Monday, May 16, 2011

How to be happy? Finding or Creating ourselves?

"Life isn't about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself."

This sounds very profound and smart and right.

But how often do we become miserable because we are trying to create someone that is not who we really are.

Creating a wrong self could be worst thing in life. It's a waste of life.

I guess we all have someone we admire, we want to become like them, maybe it's our mom, maybe it's our friend, maybe it's a historical hero...

Creating is a wonderful project.

I think it start with finding out what we have and what we can get, then we organize, and then we start creating based on what we have.

How do we create ourselves without finding ourselves? If we don't even know who we really are, how do we create ourselves? We would just expect a peach out of an apricot tree, and become disappointed. But apricot is also great, we just didn't know the seed we had was actually an apricot tree seed!

If we know we have an apricot tree sees, and we want a peach out of it, I might actually succeed. We can graft. But we first need to know what we have!

Life IS about creating ourselves, but it's also about finding ourselves, and we actually have to find ourselves first, then start the wonderful project of creating.

We will be happy if we know who we are and what we can and want to become, and dedicate our lives to create the best self.

Monday, May 2, 2011

The Key to Happiness----Self-Control

As I was carrying out my plan of getting rid of the addictions, I realized how important it is to have self-control.

I've never connected self-control to happiness before, never realized that they have a compagnionship with each other.

I could not completely follow my plans at the beginning, I always find "chances" to get back to what I'm addicted to, but gradually I managed to control more and more on my "desires."

I feel definitely much happier not only because I was able to fulfill all my duties, but also to be able to control my desire and my will, this alone can already make me feel very happy.

Self-Control, is a power in my own hand, nothing can over-come me except by my will and my allowance.

By gaining my self-control back, I found my peaceful happiness.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Fighting Addiction

Everyone could get addicted to something some time in life, I think. Some addictions are not considered dangerous, but it can also brings damage to our lives. We all have to deal with it and somehow find a way to get over it.

I was addicted to reading books, posting on BBS, of course, sometimes, the TV shows, and one time an online game, and now, blogging...Well, I've been busy dealing with addictions in my life..., and very often, they come back to my life, and I have to start the process of getting rid of them all over again. It's really hard.

Now I've come to notice, that every time I get addicted to something, even reading scriptures, my life style and quality would drop down to the bottom, and I can not feel happy at all because I feel I'm powerless, I can't control my desire, I can't say no to my desire and get up to do my responsibilities. Whenever I get addicted to something, I always feel like a looser in life, and I think it's even true.

I've got some good ideas of fighting addictions, it's useful for all kind of addictions. All the ideas come from one simple thought: I want to get my life back!

Simple doesn't mean easy. I hate hearing, "you JUST need to stick to your plans" or "you JUST need to start"... I think anyone trying hard to deal with his/her problems would prefer understanding instead of this kind of "encouragement". If your family member or friend is trying to get rid of an addiction, please support them with understanding and patience, it makes them feel loved and gives them more strength to fight against it.

Now I note down my plan.

Admitting we are addicted to something is hard. But it's the first step. If we keep denying it, we will just keeping running away from the truth, and running further and deeper into the dark forest of addiction and really get lost. Recognizing that we are in a dark forest gives us a chance to get out.

   I've been in a bad circle of sleeping late and rising late. It ruins my whole day. Just 2 hours makes a big difference. (I'm going to bed late because I can't say no to my addiction, guess you've figured it out.)
   I want to build a structure of my day, let's say start from 7am and end at 10pm. And fill those hours with good works that make me feel happy. By good works, I mean to fulfill all my responsibilities with a cheer heart.
  This is not easy because when we are addicted to something, everything else in life seems like a burden, we just don't want to do anything except sticking to the addiction.
  I will organize my day and stick to the things that really matters in my life!

3.Stay in control
   Once I organized my day, I feel more secure to start my day, I know if I do what I planned, I will have a successful day and feel happy at the end.
   My plan of the day of course include my "good" addictions, like reading time, writing time, blogging time(is it really good? I wonder...)..., so I really have to stay in control. I can't tell myself something like "just another 5 minutes...", I have to be able to say "ok, time to go to bed."
   I think stay in control is essential to our happiness, it's the power in our hands.

4.Be patient
   I often fail to immediately completely follow my organized plan for my day, it takes determination and also time. I think it's enough for me to realize my addiction and work hard on getting rid of it, the frustration is not what I need, because I'm already frustrated that I get addicted at the first place. Now I'm dealing with it, and working hard on it, I decide to be nice and patient to myself.

5.Be tolerance
   I note this down because...
   I feel guilty that I'm addicted to something, and whoever says anything about it or tells me what I should be doing, would make me very upset, and I'd fight back even if I know they are right. I'm sure people get addicted to something even once would understand what I'm talking about.
   Be tolerance is challenge of getting rid of the fear, the fear of being judged, the fear of being unloved, the fear of loosing control of our lives, the fear of admitting we are wrong...
   If we can get rid of those fears, we are more likely to succeed in being tolerance and  take control of our lives. When we are not that afraid of what others would think about us, we will have more strength to fight against our addictions instead of people around us.

Get my life back is to get my happiness back. Some things that we are addicted to can be part of our lives, but they can not be our lives alone. Yes, I want to get my life under my control.

Monday, April 18, 2011

No Good Addiction

I love reading and writing. It could be a good habit. But for me, it becomes an addiction.

I first thought, it's better than playing computer game or other worse addiction. I love reading books, that's a pretty good addiction.

But I was wrong, there is no good addiction.

When I get addicted to something, anything, even just reading books, I loose control of my life, I become a slave of that addiction.

It doesn't make me happy because I know I have other things that need my attention and should be my priority. I have other responsibilities other than reading books. (If you wonder, I'm addicted to reading scriptures, I know it's weird.)

Reading, writing, or any other things that interest us, even computer games, are not bad in themselves, they are there for us to make us enjoy life and feel happy. They are our interests, not our lives.

A good happy life is a life having responsibilities fulfilled. When it becomes otherwise, guilt could eat us up, and we become miserable, even just because of reading books! How I wish I were still a teenager!

I don't think I have to give up reading, but I need to keep my reading time under my control, do not let an interest become an addiction.

I think when things are under our control, especial when we overcome, we feel powerful; when we feel powerful, we feel happy.

My first step to become happier is to turn my addictions into my interests. I will overcome.

We can definitely become happier when we are guilt free! And a happy life is a guilt free life! That's what I'm trying to create. I will take one step at a time. For now, I will just try to overcome my addiction. :)